I want to discuss something today that I’ve been meaning to dive into for some time now – the ‘balance’ myth, but it was actually a message from someone that finally triggered it. So here we are… let’s just get into it!
“Hey Stan!
After getting into your stuff through the 80/20 Podcast, I really connected with your ethos and started implementing changes—reading your newsletters, waking up earlier, working out, and finally diving into focused practice for the first time in a while.
But, after 3-4mths of solid work, now, with my first child recently arriving, I’m finding it tough to get back into the routine. It’s hard to refocus with all the responsibilities of parenting, especially when it comes to spending time with her…
Last night was the first time I got back to focused practice, so I was wondering if you could share any thoughts or tips on staying focused as a new dad. I’m also trying to grow a teaching business on top of my full-time job, so there’s a lot to juggle. Any advice you have would be really appreciated!”
– Paul
This question was a great launching pad for this topic, as it hits all the areas that need to be fleshed out – parenthood, work, practice, growing a new business etc. So I really appreciate Paul asking this.
Now, before we kick off, all I’ll say is that this is just my experience with this topic. My thoughts from my personal journey.
I am not you, and you are not me, so this is not to say that I am necessarily right, as such, or that this is the only way in which you can approach this. I’m merely sharing my journey, my story, and the lessons I’ve learned along the way. So that’s the caveat!
Lets start here… It’s all about seasons, man! Seasons!
I used to preach the idea of balance, or at the very least, try and convince myself that it was a real thing, but when I look back at the first 18 months of all three of my kids (now 20, 13, and 19 months), it was never about balance—it was purely about survival.
It wasn’t about trying to balance work, family, health, drumming, side hustles; it was about putting my head down, accepting what needed to be done, and getting through those chaotic moments, eg. the 2am crying sessions (and there were plenty of those).
There was no perfect harmony of time and energy. I was just in it—fully.
I think people get caught up in this idea of balance, like I did, because it seems like the ideal. Through marketing and social media, we are very much sold this image of perfectly managing everything in our lives, where we get to do our craft, be great partners, raise our kids, and still take care of ourselves—all while being a rockstar in every area, too. It’s laughable.
The truth? That’s just not realistic.
Now look, I’m not saying it’s impossible, of course not, but in the early years of being a parent, I really had to shift my mindset. I had to realize that I couldn’t do it all at once.
I realised pretty early on, it wasn’t about keeping all the plates spinning at once, it was about accepting the season I was in, consciously focusing on my family, and knowing that things would shift eventually.
So what did I do? I pulled back from the big ideas, goals and dreams, and got a little more localised – pad work. Since I was at home, I shifted into a grind period where I could still practice and progress, given the situation, and as long as I communicated well with my wife. While raising my kids was the bigger priority, I was still able to stay focused on my craft by being organized and making the most of the time I had.
*pro tip – 3 layers of towels on the practice pad does wonders!
Let’s be honest, being a parent is simultaneously a season of sacrifice, but growth, too! Just in different ways. And I think that’s something we need to accept when big life changes happen. It’s okay to put your own goals (the big ones), on pause for a moment.
Sometimes, your wants and desires need to take a backseat to the bigger mission. And that mission, in my case, was raising my family.
This brings me to something that one of my favorite speakers, Jim Rohn, said that really stuck with me:
“You must take advantage of the season you’re in.”
Think about that. In life, you go through these phases. Yes, you are going to go through “winter”, without a doubt, but don’t fret, as “summer” is coming too! But either way, still take advantage of it.
When I was knee-deep in the winter season of early parenthood, that’s simply where I focused my energy. It wasn’t about running a business or touring or cramming in hours and hours of practice. It was about being present, available, and giving my family what they needed.
Just like the winter we experience each year, there was an end in sight. Eventually, the days warmed up, and life became a little more normal and predictable. Things stabilized. And that’s when I could start focusing more on the bigger picture again.
And look, with ‘balance’, here’s the kicker: when I’m in the middle of a big goal or something I’m pushing hard toward, it’s not about balance either. It’s quite the opposite.
It’s about diving in, going hard for 3-6mths, and being intentional with my time. I block out distractions. I create a schedule. I time-block. I prioritize my energy. And I GO!
There’s no balance here. True growth, progress, and quantum leaps forward often require an unreasonable, and often full-on, grind.
I think a lot of people mistake balance for what they think they should be doing all the time. They think that every area of their life should be neatly and evenly distributed, giving perfect amounts of time to everything.
We can definitely live periods like this, but, when I’ve got something huge in front of me, e.g. Building and launching MasterMind Drummer, it’s about being all-in on it for a while. And that means adjusting to other parts of my life, as long as it suits.
If I’m working on something big, I’ll temporarily remove the noise. That means less time wasted on social media, less mindless TV watching, less “extra” stuff that doesn’t move the needle, or even certain bands and projects, so I focus on the big task at hand, 100%.
And when that phase ends, and the goal is achieved, I move into a more stable rest period—back to what I suppose we mean by ‘balanced life’. But it’s always a cycle, it’s always a season. There’s no constant equilibrium. It’s all about knowing when to push, when to pull back, and when to accept that you’re in a phase where you can’t do it all.
I’ve mentioned this before, but for me, while my kids were very young, I wasn’t touring. I wasn’t doing the things that demanded a lot of travel and time away from home. That’s the decision I made, and often at the expense of big opportunities.
But I was still practicing—just differently. I fit in pad work, small practice sessions, a run here and there, some kettlebells in the backyard, and focused on what I could do at that moment.
Instead of trying to keep everything going at once, and feeling that constant overwhelm, I shifted my goals to fit into the current season of life.
‘Current’ really is the word here, as its temporary, and will pass.
It’s about understanding the ebbs and flows of life, and moving with them. When your kids are young, or when life throws a big curveball at you, it’s okay to step back. It’s ok to just let things settle and not force the hustle as much.
Balance doesn’t always happen. And when it does, you’ll know it because you’ll be in a season where everything is aligning naturally. There is minimal friction. But you can’t force that. And trying to do so will only ruin you.
In the end, when things level out, you can return to those periods of intense grind. You’ll be ready to jump back in and go full steam ahead. You’ll have the mental space to commit yourself fully to your craft, knowing that the other areas of your life are stable.
But it’s about being patient with yourself, and also with the seasons that come your way.
So, if you’re in a season right now where you’re feeling like you’re just treading water, especially as a new parent, just go with it. Find flow within that season. Know that it’s okay.
So, in summary, don’t chase balance—it’s a myth. Instead, acknowledge the season you’re in and flow with it. Whether you’re in a “winter” or a “summer” season, embrace the moment because every season has its benefits. Just zoom out, get some perspective, and enjoy it.
Let’s leave it there this week, as I’m now about to jump on the bike to go teach for the afternoon.
If you are enjoying these newsletters, let me know. I’d love to hear from you, and if you have any questions or topic ideas, just ask! Always keen to hear.
Stay hungry, (and healthy),
Stan.